http://20xxgames.blogspot.com/

Sort of review: Vigilante (Turbografx-16)

2007-02-25T23:17:00.000-08:00

(This was an article for Wii Fanboy that I didn't end up using. It might be worth reading.)

Let's lay the "review" text out right now: Vigilante is not the best game on the Virtual Console. It wasn't the best game on the Turbografx-16 either. It's not at all the best side-scrolling brawler (beat-em-up, what have you.) Put next to games that are themselves old, like Final Fight and Streets of Rage, with their combos and their three-dimensional movement and their non-nunchaku weapons, Vigilante's simplistic gameplay is archaic. Simplistic can be fun, as long as you know what you're getting into; with the constant stream of one-hit-kill enemies, Vigilante can be hypnotically soothing and frantic at the same time.

But it is precisely because there has been so much progress since Vigilante that we should play Vigilante and try to understand its merits. It's one of those games that should be available, even if everyone isn't interested, and its presence is one of the more wonderful, promising things about Nintendo's download service.
Vigilante is notable as a historical item, at least-- a reminder of not only a long-dead genre, but an astoundingly specific subgenre: the "thousands-of-identical-guys-try-to-cling-to-you" side-scrolling brawler, of which we know only three examples: Kung Fu Master (Kung Fu on the NES,) basically the first brawler ever, (and also developed by IREM) and China Warrior, a digitized TG16 game from Hudson-- a game whose VC release we eagerly await so we can write about its hypnotic properties and big-spriteyness. Besides, anything that can be done to draw those with brawler predilections away from Urban Champion is basically a public service: nobody should buy Urban Champion, ever; not as a joke, not to fill a collection, not even for some weird article intended to present it as a game of historical interest.
The story is pretty standard arcade-game boilerplate: "The Skinheads have taken Madonna hostage. Take the power into your own hands!" Of course, by "Madonna" they mean "the protagonist's girlfriend" and not Madonna the pop star-- although people might still have been upset enough, back in 1989, to take some power into their own hands, if Madonna the pop star were kidnapped. Basically, games like this need the kidnapped girlfriend, because otherwise the story would be "You are a huge jerk who likes to walk in one direction and beat up people!" This was before the Grand Theft Auto series brought videogame jerks into fashion.
Vigilante's nuanced visual style, which features softly shaded characters with thick black outlines, is surprising. It's unusual-looking, and an unusually artistic flourish for a beat-em-up. The art is especially striking when compared to its flat, flat, flat NES predecessor, Kung Fu. It's a good thing such attention was paid to the character art, since the gameplay consists almost entirely of fighting thousands of clones of the same guy (with occasional bosses and a few different dudes with sticks,) and that guy needs to look kind of interesting.

So why should this simplistic old game be on the VC? Why should we care about a game with monotonous gameplay and a marginally interesting look? Why is this "game history" worth someone paying $6 for? More than just giving us the ability to play Mario Kart again, the Virtual Console, with its emphasis on older games rather than newly-developed casual content, has the potential to become an important service-- a Museum of Gaming, or even better, a distributed, distance-learning Library of Gaming. With a broad enough selection of games, it can be a way for all the new gamers who are buying Wiis catch up on the last 20+ years of game development.
And that includes the games that are not quite the "greatest hits." It has to. It especially includes games like this one that directly influenced whole genres. Nintendo's willingness to publish a game like Vigilante, that Wii Sports fans and people who remember Kid Icarus aren't exactly clamoring for, is a positive note for people hoping for a mechanism to preserve the collective memory of the video game hobby. Plus, sometimes it takes a not-so-good game to help us understand what is so good about the good ones.

i got a jooooooob

2007-02-06T22:17:00.000-08:00

So, here's an exciting development! And by "exciting" I mean ""

Starting very soon, you'll be able to see my particular, flavorful blend of enthusiasm and searing, blinding hate on DS Fanboy and Nintendo Wii Fanboy!

Hello Kitty/Space Invaders cellphone charm

2007-01-18T21:53:00.000-08:00

As you may know, I like Hello Kitty a lot. Not enough to know anything about her or her friends, just on a superficial level, which is really the only level on which to appreciate Hello Kitty. I think her simple, earnest, goofy, focus-group-tested sweetness is a nice counterpoint to the other entertainment properties I enjoy. With Hello Kitty, there's no danger of getting sucked into the fandom; there's no temptation to spend a couple of hours reading backstory or looking on message boards trying to find Hello Kitty release dates or critical analysis (not for me, anyway.) There are no Hello Kitty design trends for me to get pissed about. There's no lifestyle involvement. Hello Kitty is just cute, and I can just enjoy the cute cartoon cat.

Despite the fact that Space Invaders is a video game, I feel kind of the same way. I feel like every word that needs to be said about Space Invaders has been said (plus several extra by me just now) and I can think of it separately from the games I enjoy/write about/pursue. Space Invaders is just Space Invaders-- it's simpler than most cellphone games, proudly displays its blocky-ass pixels, and is repetitive to the point of hypnotism. I love it. I love playing it, and I love watching it. I am a pixel fan.

This combo cellphone strap ("Hey, pick two things Japanese people enjoy, and we'll slap 'em on a cellphone strap") is something I would enjoy having dangle uselessly from my own phone, imprinting pixelated 3D Hello Kitty sprites into my cheek. I almost said "dangling impotently," but I decided to save my penis jokes for when they are intentional. I then blew my wad by including it in this paragraph anyway.

Throwing some website ideas out into the world

2007-01-03T13:42:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about websites I'd like to start, but don't have the money or the technical knowledge to create. Maybe after I get a job I'll save up for some domain names and try to find some pre-written resources to develop them, but until then, I'll just stupidly expose them and allow them to get stolen.

Gamercraft: a site for people to post their game-related craft projects, like, say, t-shirts and bead pictures, and to share templates, how-tos, and ideas. Basically Craftster for game nerds. So why not just use Craftster? Two reasons: first, it would be very useful to have all of the materials follow the same theme, so that when you see someone's backpack, you know it's going to have a videogame theme, instead of looking at page after page of emo band logos and stuff I'm just not at all interested in; and second, part of why I like these crafts is that it makes me feel like part of a gamer community. Limiting the site's domain to game stuff would make it more likely to attract an interesting, tight-knit group of people with very similar interests to my own.

ObsessiveGamer: a site that combines social networking with insane hoarding by allowing you to keep lists related to your game collection: what you own, when you bought it, how much it cost, if you've completed it, etc., and share these lists with other members. You could include links to your collection list in message board signatures and such. The entries would be linked to information about the game, so that if you saw Sweet Home in someone's list, you could click on it and find info about the game. I really don't have the database creation/maintenance knowledge to do this, but it would be awesome.

Games that Might Have Made My 2006 Games of the Year List if I Had Played Them

2006-12-31T22:49:00.000-08:00

[update! Previously empty Zelda section now filled with glistening venom.]

God Hand and Okami
Clover Studio released two beautiful, original titles this year: an over-the-top 3D brawler with insane difficulty and hyper-16-bit humor, and a watercolor-style action-adventure about the goddess Amaterasu in wolf form on a quest to return color to the world. Then Clover Studio closed. It's my fault for not buying the games. But I totally bought Viewtiful Joe!*

*like two years after it came out, for $9.99

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Nintendo delayed the original Gamecube version until after the Wii launch, and then sent an insultingly low supply out. As far as anyone who wanted to purchase the game was concerned, they cancelled it. Now I'm not even sure if I want to get it with my (eventual) Wii out of spite. Dicks.

Dead Rising
A game from the creator of Megaman involving beating zombies with everything you can grab from every store in a mall. I'm glad to see a kind of lighthearted zombie game. It really sounds like something I would have poured bucket after bucket of quarters into.

Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops
Okay, so the PSP does have one game: a Metal Gear Solid game that takes place between MGS3 and Metal Gear, and allows the player to recruit randomly-chosen soldiers based on the location of the WiFi hotspot they are connected to. I am a sucker for Hideo Kojima's little triTURN OFF THE GAME CONSOLE RIGHT NOW

Guitar Hero II
I would totally have bought this, but I still suck ass at the first one. And I refuse to fail the first song of another Guitar Hero's hard mode. Also, the gameplay refinements, while awesome, are mostly limited to multiplayer and don't do me any fucking good. I would like some new songs, though.

Bit Generations series and Rhythm Tengoku
Rhythm Tengoku is a GBA music game from the creators of Wario Ware, and is apparently the best GBA game ever. For me it would have to be, since being a music game automatically makes it better than all of the non-music games on it, and that includes all the Castlevanias and the That's So Raven sequels. No way I'm paying import prices for it, though. Same with the Bit Generations games, which were a series of eight experimental, stylish, minimalist GBA games. I just don't have the finances to pay $25 for Art Pong or whatever, as much as I'd like to.

Games of the Year (Games Released in 2006 that I Played Edition)

2006-12-30T17:14:00.000-08:00

In 2006, two new consoles came out, one to massive fanfare and ridiculous lawsuits, and the other an exclusive eBay release, overpriced and undersupported.

I didn't play either of those consoles. I also have yet to play a single Xbox 360 game, aside from the one time I played some WWII game in Toys R Us until I got blown up. I should also mention that I didn't play any PSP games this year, but that's a given since I'm not sure any PSP games even came out this year.

Despite all those launches, as this list reflects, this was the year of the Nintendo DS. What was, last year, a dumb-looking, underpowered console with gimmicky games is now the top gaming platform in the US and Japan. The massive surge in DS popularity affected even my weird-ass gaming habits, because no matter what, whichever system is #1 in Japan is going to be the one that gets the cutesy music games and niche stuff that I love.

Here are the top ten games that I played this year that were actually released this year. Come back tomorrow for the best games this year that I didn't play, and on Monday (hopefully) the best games that I played for the first time this year that didn't come out in 2006! I think that covers all the lists!

As usual, click the pictures for larger screenshots.
10. Phantasy Star Universe

To be honest, I didn't enjoy PSU very much when I rented it. But then, I was playing the single-player game, which I can only describe as "Phantasy Star Online with more cutscenes." I hear the multiplayer is an excellent evolution of the original PSO gameplay, with new levels, enemies, weapons, and all kinds of items that not only require you to kill way too many enemies waiting for a random drop, but then require you to luck out at an item synthesis shop! I'm actually afraid to buy this and try the online game, because I lost a lot of my life to PSO on the Dreamcast, and this sounds even more engaging.

9-7. Big Bumpin', PocketBike Racer, Sneak King

Arriving mere seconds before the world got tired of Burger King's creepy mascot, these three advertising games hearken back to a simpler time when food advertising mascots starred in video games (Kool-Aid Man, California Raisins, Yo! Noid)
I felt sort of subversive by purchasing and enjoying these games, seeing them as kind of a "fuck you" to the other big releases of November, including the Sony Playstation 3. I paid $4 each for these at Burger King, I didn't have to wait in line, and I didn't even need an HDTV.
Plus, none of them included copies of Talladega Nights, which I count as a positive.
Did I mention that they cost $4 each? Because they do. They are the first games to include both Xbox and 360 versions on the same disc, they include multiplayer, and online and achievements and all that (on the 360), plus they're kind of fun, and they cost four damn dollars.

6. Brain Age

I almost didn't want to put this on the list, because it's just barely a game. In fact, if not for the time limits and the score tracking, Brain Age would just be shitty brain exercises. Nintendo brilliantly grafted just enough game into it to make it addictive, challenging players to increase their "brain age" by doing math problems and memory exercises faster every day. This is one of those insidious products designed for Nintendo fans to buy and give to their parents. I don't know exactly why it has sold as well as it has (especially in Japan, where it is one of the best-selling games ever,) although I suspect that people saw the dubious brain performance benefit as a reasonable excuse for playing video games. I enjoyed it for a while (and so did Mary!) but when I tried to play it again previous to writing this, I found that the magic had kind of dissipated, leaving only a vaguely irritating set of activities presented by a condescending head. If you haven't played it enough to get tired of it, it's great! And did I mention there are charts?

5. Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin

It's a 2D Castlevania game. It's automatically better than just about anything else that comes out. A lot of people are getting tired of Koji Igarashi's nonlinear Metroidvanias, and they have a point-- the earlier Castlevanias were some of the best-designed, most stylish action games ever, and it would be great to have more of them. But we don't really get much of a choice in side-scrolling action anymore, and really the only bad thing about these modern Castlevanias is that they block the possible development of one of those old-style ones.

4. Gyakuten Saiban 2

I hardly ever import games, but I couldn't wait for the US release of this, the sequel to Phoenix Wright. I didn't really play text adventures, graphical or otherwise, when they were popular. But now that they're basically extinct, I'm a huge fan of console graphical text adventures. The cases are clever, the dialogue is well-written and hilarious, and the gameplay-- which consists of alternating "investigation" periods of detective work, and "courtroom" periods of cross-examining witnesses to find contradictions-- is enthralling. Playing Gyakuten Saiban games is like reading a good novel.

3. New Super Mario Bros.

Of all the weird tricks Nintendo has pulled out in the last year or two to (successfully!) coerce everyone in the universe to purchase a DS, New Super Mario Brothers is the most surprising: a real Mario sequel? They haven't done that since Yoshi's Island in 1994, and even that wasn't quite a traditional Mario game. And it's not just a token effort, either: the levels are some of the most carefully designed and well-thought-out of the series, and the genre! Too bad about the ugly 3D graphics, though. I guess they had to make a concession to the gaming environment in 2006.

2. Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence

The original release of Metal Gear Solid 3 was the best release of 2004, and two years later, MGS3 is still good enough to make the list. I am not a double-dip kind of person, generally only having enough money to buy some of the games I want, and then only following a price reduction, and only once! I made an exception for this game, however, because the extras were irresistable: a movie made of recut versions of all the game's cutscenes, a 30-minute Metal Gear retrospective, and ports of the unreleased-in-the-US MSX versions of Metal Gear and Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake. The main MGS3 game got a new controllable camera and an amazing online multiplayer mode for which my sauce is unfortunately too weak.

1. Elite Beat Agents

It's taken me longer than I wanted to write this post because I keep stopping to play EBA. Whenever I get tired of gaming, or sick of all the shitty treatment fans get from game companies, I invariably find solace in music games. There is much more gaming joy and less bullshit in music games than in any other genre, and playing a great one makes me feel good about what I choose to do with my time. And this one is outstanding: easy-to-learn gameplay that makes perfect use of the DS touch screen, vivid hand-drawn graphics (and some 3D), fun and inspired storylines, a perfect difficulty curve (ending at "screen-piercingly hard"), and, uh, some music too. The music (all bad soundalike covers of pop songs) ranges from guilty pleasures ("YMCA") to dog shit (Sum 41's "Without a Fight"?) The game manages to overcome its musical handicap to become one of the best story-based music games ever released. That much is unsurprising from the developers of the greatest music game ever, Gitaroo Man.

Stenciling Phoenix Wright: An Illustrated Guide!

2006-12-30T09:22:00.000-08:00

Possibly my favorite Christmas gift this year was a t-shirt stenciling kit assembled by Mary-- acrylic paint,
fabric-paint medium, freezer paper, foam brushes, and two t-shirts. She also typed up instructions, and staple-bound them zine-style. Mary is pretty awesome.

While we were visiting family, I spent my downtime working on stencil ideas (made so much easier by my new laptop!)-- listing possible sources, collecting images, seeing what they would look like on a t-shirt, and such-- and decided on Phoenix Wright for my first shirt.

These are the materials I used for the project: acrylic paint, some kind of junk that makes acrylic paint work better on fabric, some freezer paper, and my rusty old X-Acto knife (horror movie script pending.) The shirts, instructions, and paint were wrapped together in a gift box; the freezer paper was wrapped separately, and opened first. I didn't exactly know how to react to my gift of freezer paper-- well, I knew how to react (with surprise and delight) but I kind of got the feeling that I was being asked to do housework of some kind via the communication medium of "gift." I was very pleased when this turned out not to be the case.

This is the design, based on graphics ripped from the game (found at Court Records, an excellent Phoenix Wright fansite) and printed as large as it could be on one sheet of paper. The printer decided to cut off some of the picture, and it chose an area that nobody would pay much attention to, the finger, which isn't the focal point of the whole fucking picture or anything. I suppose it could have been my mistake, instructing my
program to "fit to page" and assuming that the picture would then fit on the page it was being printed onto. It's like a finger pointing away to the moon. Don't concentrate on the finger, or you will miss all the heavenly glory.

Were you wondering what the freezer paper was for? Probably not, because everyone who can successfully navigate to this blog is smarter than I am. Anyway, I found out after reading the instructions that it adheres temporarily to fabric when ironed on, making it a (presumably) cheap transfer medium for stencils, plus it's translucent so you can easily trace and cut your designs from another sheet of paper. This picture is of the stencil ironed onto the shirt. I kind of like the way it looks in this state, and probably would have kept it, if the freezer paper were not so likely to fall off after the first wash. Oh, and also, wearing freezer paper is for food, and I AM NOT FOOD.

Then I mixed up the paint and the fabric medium and dabbed the mixture onto the shirt-- no dragging for some reason!

A few minutes later, I had a shirt covered in sticky goop! YES. Oh, and incidentally the sticky goop is in the image of the main character from a semi-obscure Nintendo DS graphical text adventure.

Now all I have to do is wait a week (!) for the paint to dry, and then heat set it with the iron, and I will be dressin' in my custom-designed fly threadzz!

I tried Second Life

2006-12-20T20:40:00.000-08:00

That's right, I took an exciting step into 2006, and downloaded the hottest game in the "pointless game for people who want to pretend they're doing something important" genre! It didn't run that well on my computer.

Also I just stood around and didn't know how to start conversations with any of the other players. So, just like my real life, except I was "outside!"

Gyakuten Saiban 4 shirt

2006-12-11T18:50:00.000-08:00

Promotional t-shirts from Capcom have never been terribly fashionable, but they usually don't resort to slogans or anything either. Usually they'll do a black shirt with the game logo on the front and maybe some character art on the back. They technically would count as ugly t-shirts but they got a pass from me because I usually liked the character art and they were so damned free! I got a lot of these when I worked at Gamestop. Dino Crisis, Resident Evil 2, Street Fighter Alpha 3, Power Stone...

Anyway, having just said that Capcom promo shirts are marginally interesting, I'm featuring one here, for the not-yet-released Gyakuten Saiban 4 for the DS. I'm not entirely sure how much I like the design. The monochrome color scheme is pretty nice, and the logo on the back does look pretty cool, but something about it still screams 'I will argue with you about the relative fighting ability of Naruto characters.' This shirt is less "awesome freelance game writer you meet at a chiptune concert" and just on the side of "guy who has been standing next to the hentai at Sam Goody for 30 minutes and hasn't gotten up the courage to pick up a box off the shelf."

Oh, also it's only available in Japan. About $26, plus shipping if they'll ship here (no idea).

You know what? After looking at this again, I take back everything I said. I think I was knee-jerking because of the usual visual appeal of my Capcom shirts. This one is really cool-looking. I would totally wear it. It doesn't hurt that I love Phoenix Wright/Gyakuten Saiban more than anything else on the DS.

Recursive Space Invaders shirt

2006-12-07T14:16:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling kind of down on videogames right now, but I still love videogame t-shirts. This one from the cringe-inducingly named Nerdy Shirts is something I would be happy to wear, even out of the house! It's black, has nice iconic artwork, no awful jokey slogan about how great the '80s were (or worse, a dumb sex joke), and, just to make it interesting, the Invader sprite is made of tiny Invader sprites! Without that feature, it would still be a very nice shirt (t-shirts are best when they're simple and clean-looking!) but the clever design makes it a lot more fun.

Seen in a Metafilter post

2006-11-01T19:48:00.000-08:00

Probably ancient, but it's the first time I've seen it:

DS/cover art from China

2006-10-31T18:55:00.000-08:00

(more at yyjoy)

Looks like somebody got the bright idea of painting a silicone DS case instead of permanently marring their DS. And look at the results! They'd be tacky if I didn't love graffiti-style art so much. I wonder if I could print something to go between the DS and the case, like people do with the Logitech PlayGear PSP case?

Oh, and, predictably, the rest of the site seems to be about flash cards. lol Chinese people are software pirates, and all that. At least I went with that cliche, and not the "PSP is not good or popular" one, right?

[via DS Fanboy!]

Super SCARY Halloween post!

2006-10-31T12:51:00.000-08:00

What's the scariest game ever? Not Resident Evil or Silent Hill or Condemned or System Shock or Fatal Frame or Nightmare Creatures or Phantasmagoria or Kiss Pinball. No, the horror game genre reached its peak in 1988, with the release of Ikari Warriors II: Victory Road for the NES. No other game has scared the crap out of me as much as Ikari Warriors II. I don't think it was meant to be scary, but that only added to the creep-factor.

The thing about Ikari Warriors II is that nothing in it looks like it was done on purpose. There's no way someone would draw the main characters as stacks of asses, or the background tiles as mostly huge flat expanses of a single color. The whole thing gave the impression of being generated by a glitch, or by a nightmare reality where NES graphics don't represent identifiable objects or concepts.

Even worse are the voice samples. I guess it's notable to have voice samples in an NES game at all, but these don't really impress, so much as they cross some kind of aural Uncanny Valley. When the game starts, someone (the player character? the villain? The hardware straining to break out of its cruel slavery?) gargles what I can almost identify as "Come on! Let's fight!" Later, when you enter a shop, a sample comes up that could only be "Bath time!" Wikipedia says it's "Welcome," but I think that interpretation is the result of a desperate mind trying to make sense of the inhuman noise.

Amazing Metal Gear Solid... uh... gear

2006-10-30T20:45:00.000-08:00

eBay seller pyhod000, who I guess must be Hideo Kojima (or someone with a key to Hideo Kojima's house), is selling the most amazing Metal Gear Solid-related stuff I have ever seen. I have never even heard of a lot of this stuff, but I obviously need all of it, and always have. Some of the stuff that's causing Tactical Envy of Auction:

Metal Gear Solid wine given to Japanese shareholders after the release of the first MGS.
A special version of MGS3, again, given only to shareholders. Holy fuck. Can love bloom on the eBay auction listing? I guess it's just the Japanese version with the bad US boxart. Still, it's so... limited!

A promotional poster for MGS2 featuring Gackt holding a baby. Okay, I don't actually want this one. But it just serves as proof that the marketing for the game matched the content in that it made no damn sense. (There are a lot of non-Gacktacular posters, like this probably-fairly-common one, that I would love to have on my wall.)

This Metal Gear Solid lighter that I'm pretty sure is identical to one I could get elsewhere, but this one's almost 10 years old and from a trade show and has the logo of a video game I liked a lot, so obviously it's the best choice for lighting those cigarettes I don't smoke. And I could dump my nonexistent thought-ash into this handy Metal Gear Solid portable ashtray!

[via GameSetWatch]

More like plagiarAWESOME

2006-10-30T09:54:00.000-08:00

I saw these Space Invaders coasters on the magical Wonderland blog and decided that I must possess one! Or, it would be pretty neat to possess one of those! However, being that I am a) a huge asshole and b) a person who happens to have a gigantic bucket of Perler beads lying about, I decided to make my own. Here are the results:

And here's my desk, sporting its new, singular decoration:

I'm kind of considering making more and tiling my desk with them, or gluing them to the walls of public places as a sort of pseudo-Invader craft-graffiti. Probably I'll just keep the one and put cola cans on it, and pick it up when a cat knocks it off.

2006-10-28T21:43:00.000-07:00

Silent Hill 3 "You're Not Here" video

I didn't have a blog or an interest in Silent Hill when this originally came out, so it's new to me. If you want to skip it or complain about old content, then of course, you have that right as a hypothetical audience member.

Anyway, it's a video created by the Silent Hill team that features Silent Hill 3's protagonist, Heather, lip-syncing to the song "You're Not Here" from the same game. Two things stick out about this video, for me:

The song is totally great. Not just "great for a song on a video game soundtrack," but "great for me to hear in any or no context."

While technically quite impressive, Heather's lip-sync animations are unintentionally hell of freaky. I guess Silent Hill can't help it. All Silent Hill knows is scarin'! Of course, that might change in the brave new era of "outsourced PSP prequels that rip-off Resident Evil 4's controls and perspective." But who knows? Maybe there really is nothing scarier than a dude's right shoulder!

YouTube link

THQ is making up for Wayne's World

2006-10-28T15:03:00.000-07:00

...by sending me Destroy All Humans 2, which by all accounts is less of a bleeding scab on the face of human civilization, and more of a 'pretty good game.'

They had a "Destroy All Competition" contest wherein gaming forums competed against each other to encourage the most members to submit alien-related pictures from the web. GAF routed the competition, and as a contributing member (I submitted like 5 pictures, mostly of Ulala and Ultraman). And, as a result of our seconds of "work," we all get free copies of the game! Mine is earmarked for Zack, who was a huge Mercenaries fan and someone I'm really happy to be able to send a free game to.

Oh, and THQ: you blowjobs still have to answer for NES Where's Waldo.

A Game I'd Totally Play if It Didn't Not Exist

2006-10-26T23:35:00.000-07:00

I had an idea for a game the other day that I think would be really fun: a rhythm-based brawler. I can trace the origin of this idea to two specific games I played recently: Samurai Champloo Sidetracked and Technic Beat. The Samurai Champloo game is similar to my idea in that the fighting techniques used interact with the soundtrack. However, the musical interaction is only superficial; you choose fighting styles by switching records in the soundtrack; each record changes the music as well as the combos your character can perform. Technic Beat inspired me from the other direction; it's actually a music game, but features a humanoid avatar who you can walk around in 2D space, rather than the completely abstract control methods present in other music games.

What I would like is a Final-Fight style side-scrolling game, with all the attacks constrained to the rhythm. I imagine this as a button sequence displayed over each enemy's head as the protagonist approaches; the player's task is to press the buttons in time with the soundtrack to successfully attack. Picking up weapons could change the soundtrack and the button sequences: something heavy like an oil drum could either cue a slower song or require a longer button sequence, for a slow but powerful attack.

The biggest problem I'm having with the idea is how to reconcile the rhythmic timing with an action game. If you approached someone between musical bars, for instance, would you both have to wait until the beat started? Maybe enemies could attack outside of rhythm, and you could block on-beat?

Anyway, now all I need to do is figure out how to make a game, and then make it. Really, no problem.

Coleco's redundant console!

2006-10-26T23:05:00.000-07:00

Ever wanted to play your favorite Sega Game Gear games-- on the go?

Well, now you can, thanks to Coleco! Provided your favorite Game Gear games are on this list, that is:

* Sonic Drift 2
* Sonic Triple Trouble
* Alex Kidd in High Tech World
* Alex Kidd in Miracle World
* Altered Beast
* Assault City
* Astro Warrior
* Aztec Adventure
* Bomber Raid
* Columns
* Ecco II: The Tides of Time
* Fantasy Zone
* Fantasy Zone: The Maze
* Global Defense
* Kung Fu Kid
* The Ninja
* Penguin Land
* Quartet
* Snail Maze
* Super Columns

I'm sure some of these are Sega Master System games. I can't keep up. The Game Gear in my house belonged to my mom, and all I ever played on it was the Ren & Stimpy game.

In related news, what kind of business necromancers decided it was a good idea to bring back the Coleco name, to attach to a system that plays old Sega games? And not even Sega games that were released on the Colecovision, like Congo Bongo.

Capcom's new stock-trading adventure game

2006-10-26T22:23:00.000-07:00

Capcom just put up a page about Stock Trader Shun, a new adventure game that looks to do for the stock market what Phoenix Wright did for law: cause me to buy a DS game about it.

Really, I know nothing about it, except that it seems to be a menu-driven adventure game. That's... kind of all I need to know. If the Gyakuten Saiban/Phoenix Wright development team is at all involved in this thing, even better. It's about time something good comes of these boring and awful professions!

Hey, I wonder if they'd like to hear my idea about an adventure game starring a linguist/librarian?

The best thing you'll read today

2006-10-02T22:44:00.000-07:00

I promise.

This November, Burger King is going to sell 3 Xbox games starring the King (and other BK ad characters), for $4 each with a meal purchase.
The games are:

Big Bumpin', the game about hitting Brooke Burke with a bumper car;

Pocketbike Racer, which is about racing on comically undersized bikes, yes, also against Brooke Burke

Sneak King, the description of which I'll leave to the official press release (emphasis mine):
"Players step into the King’s royal shoes and use cunning and stealth to sneak up behind unsuspecting people and bestow them with a delicious meal. The goal of Sneak King is to surprise hungry citizens with BURGER KING® sandwiches and other menu items before they pass out from hunger. Whether in a logging yard, construction site, suburban neighborhood or downtown urban scene -- each rich with detail and hidden pathways -- players can hide out and earn points based on how elaborately the delivery is executed."

I know I'm supposed to hate commercialism and I usually really do hate in-game advertising and such, but there is absolutely no way I can feel anything but gratitude towards Burger King for this. It is a gift!

Oh, and here's something neat: these are going to be the first Xbox/Xbox 360 hybrid games. These aren't just Xbox games that are playable on the 360 (which are rare enough); the game discs contain both an Xbox and Xbox 360 version of each game. Innovation courtesy Burger King! Where is your God now?

I am absolutely buying one of each to keep, plus an extra Sneak King to open.

some more Wii stuff

2006-09-22T23:59:00.000-07:00

Here are some movies detailing Wii features I kinda forgot to mention. They actually look kind of neat. Nice UI. The Mii channel is especially notable because the Mii caricatures are usable in many Wii games (Wii Sports, for example).

Some Wii news

2006-09-21T23:17:00.000-07:00

A bunch of recent news updates have come out about the Wii, detailing much of the stuff everyone interested in the thing have been wondering about, including the release date (November 19), the price ($250) and what comes in the package (one Wiimote, one nunchuck attachment, Wii Sports). Also, some of the ‘notable’ launch games include: a whole bunch of Ubisoft shit, including the sword game, the Rayman thing and a bunch of ports; and just a few Nintendo first-party releases, including Excite Truck and Zelda. (Meanwhile, the Gamecube version of Zelda, which this Wii version is a port of, is being delayed until December 11, presumably to punish people who haven’t bought Wiis yet.) I haven’t got a list of Virtual Console releases yet, but I know that it includes some Sega and TG16 games, so that’s awesome.

If you were excited about the Wii, this stuff may be good news. But personally (and this is a personal blog, so I can ‘personally’ my ass off), I am less excited than ever about the Wii now, and pretty much put off of next-gen totally. That doesn’t mean I’m right and you’re (hypothetically) wrong. It just means that I’m cranky, probably. First, about the Wii:

The Wii was supposed to be a cheap console. It is way less powerful than its competitors, and not that much more powerful than the Gamecube. The games look anywhere from sub-PS1 to Gamecube quality. Even for a console that ‘isn’t about the graphics’, most of the graphics on display have been unacceptable. Now, $250 is cheaper by $50 than the next available next-gen system (360 Core Pack) and fully $250 cheaper than the basic PS3 pack, but it is also $50 more than the Gamecube cost at launch. The Gamecube, which was technologically competitive with other systems. This is not good. For those of you with jobs, and friends, this isn’t a big deal. You can use the money from your jobs to buy the thing, and enjoy Wii Sports with your friends. But this does nothing for us broke shut-ins.

Wii Sports looks sort of entertaining, but it definitely doesn’t seem to be $50 worth of entertainment. If that’s how Nintendo chooses to justify the price, I’m not going to accept it. I’d rather have a $200 console and pay the $50 for Zelda (which I won’t do anyway, but I’ll get to that later.)

Should you decide to buy some extra controllers, maybe in order to emulate all the PR photos of hipsters and old people standing in front of couches posing wildly, well, I’m sorry: extra Wiimotes cost forty damn dollars, plus an extra $20 for one of the nunchuk analog stick doodads. Again, not so big a deal for you employed types, especially those of you going into engineering “fill my pockets” type positions. But again, it just reinforces my feelings that I shouldn’t have hobbies.

FUCKING ZELDA. I’m not terribly excited about the Wii controls for Zelda (mimicking swordy and bowy motions with the controller, etc.), and I think that original Wii games will benefit more from the unique controller than traditional games will. However, that is not the reason that I hate the Wii version of Twilight Princess! The real reason is that its release has caused the Gamecube version to be delayed, first, until the Wii launch, and then most recently until December 11. I have waited years for this shit! Another, weirder reason is that Wii Zelda will be backwards. In order to match the Wii control scheme they came up with, they mirrored everything to make Link right-handed. The whole game. If they really did this, then I’d kind of like to play them one after another, just to play the same game with all the maps flipped. Weird. And kind of dumb.

Okay, I think that’s all I have to say about the Wii. There’s some really, really hilarious stuff about the PS3 and X360 coming out of the Tokyo Game Show right now, and by ‘hilarious’ of course I mean ‘sickening’, but I’m kind of tired. I’ll post on that soon.

Gamelife Hits it Big On MTV

2006-07-05T00:04:00.000-07:00

Or, at least mtv.com. GameLife, the surprisingly popular, unabashedly amateur game review show, is now part of MTV's OverDrive, an online video channel that doesn't work in most browsers. Assuming anyone can actually load the player, you'll be able to see GameLife segments as part of the "G-Hole" show in the "Games" area.

Don't worry, though-- behind the mtv.com URL and (what seems like hours of) ads and MTV filler, you'll still find the same production values and stage presence that are GameLife's claim to fame.

Review: New Super Mario Bros. DS

2006-06-17T22:48:00.000-07:00

Even if Nintendo hadn't made us wait eleven years for a new side-scrolling Mario game, New Super Mario Bros. would still be refreshing and welcome. Forget nostalgia; if this were New Super Nobody Non-Mascot Bros. You've Absolutely Never Heard of, it would still be the best platforming game in years based on the gameplay alone. But this is a Mario game, and as such it takes advantage of the best elements from the Mario catalog: the enemies are all from previous games, including 64 and Sunshine; the world map is straight out of Super Mario Bros. 3, complete with Toad Houses offering free items and 1-ups; even the infinite turtle-stomping 1-up 'glitch' found in the original Super Mario Bros. can be found in the new installment.

Though the game feels very much like a Super Mario Bros. 3 sequel, there are many new elements mixed in with the old. Three new powerups join the classic mushroom and fire flower: mushrooms that make Mario gigantic or tiny, and a blue shell that allows Mario to break blocks horizontally. Almost every level contains its own gimmick: teetering mushroom platforms, giant eels, switches that create hills and valleys, to name a few-- many of which are not seen again. Even so, the game seems remarkably focused: every level is a carefully designed set piece; every gimmick is in place to test platforming prowess and mastery of the new powerups. It is worth noting that, unlike many DS games, all of these gimmicks are of the "unusual aspect of level or enemy design" variety, and not the "inappropriate and tacked-on touch-screen functionality" variety. The touch screen allows you to store powerups and navigate between worlds, both of which are unobtrusive and helpful.

Nintendo did make one concession to today's gaming trends: though the Mario model is cute and expressive, and some of the backgrounds are some of the best seen in any Mario game, the 3D graphics lack the beauty or charm of the lively sprite work in Super Mario World.

The basic game is mostly simple, but there is challenging optional material for the expert player. There are three Star Coins to be found in each level, often hidden or maddeningly out of reach, requiring feats of excellent (or lucky) platforming to obtain. In addition, not only do many worlds contain secret levels, but there are two entire worlds whose entrances are not immediately evident.

NSMB also includes an assortment of minigames, which range from inoffensive to 'probably fun in multiplayer' to actually enjoyable. About half of these are from Super Mario 64 DS. As incidental bonus material, it is hard to criticize their inclusion.

It is comforting to know that Nintendo, while attracting controversy with brain training games, insane controllers and pet simulators that may or may not fit the traditional definition of "games", still had a true Mario game up their sleeve. The fact that it's a great game is even more so.

Some hinting from Nintendo president

2006-06-02T00:46:00.000-07:00

This Gamasutra interview with Nintendo president Satoru Iwata contains one item of possible great news:
-------
Regarding the idea behind the Wii platform's Virtual Console, which will allow for the digital distribution of online games, demos, and other content, Iwata stated in the interview: “When creating a packaged game to be priced at 5,000 yen, developers tend to feel the need to create a rich game. Yet it is possible to create a reasonably entertaining game in 2 months with a team of three.”

He continued: “Offering such games for 500 yen over a network could lead to a reasonable number of people purchasing it. By offering an environment that allows this, we hope to encourage more developers to pursue basic yet enjoyable gameplay."
---------

So, basically like XBox Live Arcade, yeah, but this is still great news. The more encouragement/funding is given to indie and homebrew developers for console games, the better. This is where the real innovation is going to come from-- semi-open development and distribution to mass audiences! But first, card games and shitty Tetris clones.

In da club

2006-05-31T22:32:00.000-07:00

When I was configuring my PS2 network adapter, I opted in to be considered for beta tests of new games. I haven't participated in any of those yet, but soon afterward I got an email from Sony inviting me to join their "Gamer Advisory Panel," a sort of ridiculous, but pretty much innocuous, thing on the Playstation website with message boards and surveys, ostensibly for 'elite gamers' but most likely for anyone who has given Sony their email address. It's a great thing to be a member of if you want to express your unwavering admiration of Sony Computer Entertainment. If you're a regular-type person, it's laughable PR with embarrassingly positive responses from devoted fanboys. Oh, and I got a free copy of the Official Playstation Magazine (including demo disc!); of course I already have a free subscription (you can too!), but Sony's effort is appreciated, since my subscription hasn't kicked in yet.

The emails I get from them are pretty dire, and always good for a laugh-- they love to overstate their importance and mine. Today I found out that they use the same tactic in physical mail too. I had to share this with you guys: my Official Membership Kit! Now you too can be (close to someone who is) Gaming Elite!

Here's the envelope I got. It's about a foot long and foil-embossed.

Inside is a letter congratulating me, stating that "this is the highest honor you can receive from PlayStation(TM)-- and we're thrilled to bring you into the fold."

(I had a hard time picking a section to quote. This thing is awesomely bad.)

In addition, I got this certificate:

which I will NO DOUBT frame and display proudly. I like the shiny Playstation logo in the corner.

Finally, the absolute best thing in here: my membership card(s!)
Front:

Back:

On top is your normal club membership card thing, which is a little nicer looking than my Capcom Fighter's Edge card, I guess. But the most magically dumb-shit-tastic thing in the whole package is on the bottom of this plastic sheet: a keychain card!
With my membership number on the back! I am curious as to the utility of this object: is there some top-secret Playstation grocery store? Do I flash this at EB in order to be treated like a human being? Anyway, it'll go great with my PSM "Extreme Playstation Loyalist" shirt, or it would, if I ever wore it, which I never ever have or will.

I have a new theory about the Playstation 3 price now: they have to recoup losses from sending out membership cards to the Gaming Elite.

some New Games Journalism

2006-05-25T23:21:00.000-07:00

This started as kind of a joke, but then almost two weeks passed and I started getting really nervous about finishing it, so I'm just stopping.

I spent the Christmas vacation of my second year of college at home playing Phantasy Star Online. I had a standing appointment with Zack, from 10 p.m. until he fell asleep. Zack played as a big robot, named ED-209 after the Robocop character. Zack's big robot was popular enough; after a cheater destroyed his character, he created a different huge robot called Capt. FatFat who attracted even more friends. I used my real name, but chose a female avatar with spiky blue hair. I chose the character type because I wanted someone who could use magic and a wide variety of weapons; I ended up getting a lot of free items and offers to team up, as well as other miscellaneous propositions. I never figured out what all those (ostensible) guys thought they were going to get in exchange for their Double Sabers and Crazy Tunes. Was I going to engage in some sexy PSO lobby chat? Was I going to make a symbol chat of his name and my name with a heart drawn around them? Or was I to... seek physical contact outside of the game world? Needless to say, I never encouraged this kind of behavior, but if somebody really wanted me to have some of their duped weapons, I took them. All I ever did to encourage these guys was walk around in the lobby asking if they'd seen Capt. FatFat.

Sometimes we wouldn't even make it down to a level. We'd stand around in the lobby for hours chatting. I'm certain that this is not uncommon in multiplayer games, especially those that put an emphasis on teamwork, like most MMOs-- eventually, the camaraderie that gets pushed on you supercedes the actual goals of the game. In my case, since my teammate was already my best friend, I didn't need much of a push. Sometimes I felt like fighting monsters got in the way of trying to type.

Oh, as sort of an aside, I should probably describe the game for people who haven't played it. PSO is a prettier 3D Diablo set in space, a third-person dungeon crawling game with online play for teams of up to four. The main gameplay involves killing room after room full of monsters and finding items of varying rarity. Each level ends with a dramatic boss fight set to fucking amazing music. There are also sidequests that you can voluntarily take for extra money, experience, and items. In the online game, players meet in lobbies before teaming up. In later versions, some lobbies are set up for a game called Lobby Ball. There is no evidence of anyone playing Lobby Ball ever.

A couple of days after we started playing online, Zack hooked up a second TV in his room so he could watch Star Trek and The Twilight Zone while we played. He eventually met another player who did the same thing, and on nights when I was offline the two of them would hang out in the lobby and watch TV together.

So much of my enjoyment of PSO is tied up in the circumstances. Often the best part of a game is something personal that is not designed or included by the developers; Super Smash Bros. Melee, for example, was nowhere near as good as the original Nintendo 64 game-- despite being objectively improved in every measurable quantity-- because I was not a college freshman in a dorm full of gamers when Melee came out. The best quality of the original was that people living nearby always wanted to play it. I forget things like this when sequels to my favorite series are announced.

Phantasy Star Universe looks great. The art is beautiful, the graphics look great (for a PS2 game), and Sonic Team's emphasis on the single-player story is promising. But Zack no longer has internet access in his apartment, and besides that he has discovered Grand Theft Auto in a big way. Zack is a feature that will not be included in this new game, and is no doubt the feature that made PSO one of my favorite games ever. Inevitably most of the time spent on PSU online will be attempts to recapture the feeling of playing PSO with Zack. I hope that, at least, the new game is as good as the original, in terms of the gameplay aspects that Sega has control over. If you pick up the PS2 version when it comes out, you should look for me online. I'll be looking for new PS buddies to go with the new game.

I won't be hard to find. Just go into any lobby and ask for Capt. FatFat.

Phantasy Star Universe screens

2006-05-11T23:02:00.000-07:00

Apparently the nondisclosure agreement on the closed PC beta of Phantasy Star Universe has lapsed, and someone has posted a shit-ton of screen shots in an open directory. The character customization looks awesome; the graphics are pretty, the art direction is gorgeous, and the areas look quite a bit more expansive than in Phantasy Star Online.

I am a HUGE PSO fan-- it's one of my favorite games ever, and something I put hundreds of hours into across different platforms. This looks like a nice evolution of the gameplay, with a nice new style. Also apparently the single-player game will be more fleshed out, with its own 40+ hour story.

I'm super excited about this one.

!

2006-05-10T19:55:00.000-07:00

SUPER SMASH BROS. BRAWL FOR WII

Doesn't use motion-control, so apparently same control as other Smash games
New characters include: Wario(!), Pit, Metaknight (Kirby), Fusion suit Samus (edit: appears to be no-suit Samus) and.

...

...

...

...

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

Hey, readers: tell me what kind of stuff you're most interested in and I'll tailor my news-condensing to you.

Back to oohhhhhhhhhhhh shiiiiiiiiiit

lots of pics in this thread
edit: also Diddy Kong Racing, Starfox to DS zzzzzzzzzzzz

2005 PS3 vs. 2006 PS3

2006-05-10T14:04:00.000-07:00

link

I still believed I could own one of these back then.

Wii gun attachment

2006-05-10T13:21:00.000-07:00

Source: Jeux-France via NeoGAF

If this thing is cheap enough, then it could mean more gun games (besides the upcoming Duck Hunt. So, good.

i forgot a bunch of stuff

2006-05-10T09:09:00.000-07:00

quick 'headlines' because I'm not a professional journalist, plus nobody is actually reading this

Halo 3 trailer on Bungie's website
GTA4 October '07 for 360 and PS3, 360 gets 'exclusive downloadable content'
GTA: Vice City Stories announced for PSP

Duck Hunt Wii
New Resident Evil Wii
Trauma Center Wii

Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops for PSP: multiplayer, MGS3 cast, looks REALLY GOOD
Metal Gear Solid digital comic for PSP: based on Ashley Wood's comic series
Metal Gear Solid 4: new INSANE trailer on the Kojima Productions E3 page (the Japanese side seems to work better, and the links are in English). Also I found a page with a bunch of cool desktops while looking around the Kojima Productions site.

Nintendo E3 site

2006-05-09T12:11:00.000-07:00

http://www.nintendo.co.jp/n10/e3_2006/index.html

highlights: screens and videos of the new stuff for DS, GC, and Wii

previously unannounced GC games including DK Bongo Blast (a bongo-controller racer) and THE BEST THING AT E3 OR MAYBE EVER Super Paper Mario

also the Wii 'classic controller'

still nintendo...

2006-05-09T10:35:00.000-07:00

Contest winner played Tennis with Miyamoto, Reggie, and Iwata-- looked fun, cutesy.

Nintendo conference:

2006-05-09T10:29:00.000-07:00

YOSHI'S ISLAND 2 DS

Wii powers up Virtual Console games/Opera browser in a few seconds

Wii has functions in standby mode; can receive wifi stuff (other players can visit Animal Crossing town while console is off, for example)

Wii Sports: tennis/golf/baseball on one disc at launch

Nintendo Conference:

2006-05-09T10:26:00.000-07:00

Biggest news:

Wii:
4th quarter 2006
No price yet...
Mario Wii (looks like NiGHTs), called Mario Galaxy
Separate Wii and Gamecube versions of Zelda Twilight Princess, Bow/Sword Control with Wiimote
Wiimote has speaker, both parts have motion sensors
Sonic looks really fucking good
ExciteTruck

Speaking of MGS4...

2006-05-09T00:04:00.000-07:00

HOLY FUCKING CRAP

(trailer)

FUCK YOU SONY

2006-05-08T20:09:00.000-07:00

Here's a bit of E3 news for you: Sony revealed the PS3 prices today: $499 for a 'base model' with a 20gb hard drive, and $599 for a 'premium' version with a 60gb hard drive, HDMI output, and CF/SD memory card slots.

Looks like I'm going to take a few years off to pick up some old games I may have missed, while crying bitter tears about my Metal Gear Solid 4-free future. Snake. SNAAAAAAAAAKE!

Oh, and they finished up the day by revealing that they ripped off the Nintendo controller. Really, high fives all around, Sony-- I didn't think anything would me take Microsoft's side in the 'console war'-- but you guys proved me the fuck wrong.

Wiik

2006-04-28T09:23:00.000-07:00

The Nintendo Revolution has a new name, and it's arguably the shittiest console name since the FM Towns Marty: "Wii."

Wii. Wii.

One of Nintendo's biggest problems has been the perception that they are a game company for children-- this is, largely, an unfair and pointless generalization made by Grand Theft Auto/Halo fanboys who don't think all-ages entertainment has a place in a MAN's living room (forget about game design and all that).

Nintendo's answer? Wii.

At this point, I think Nintendo has told us loud and clear what their new strategy entails: not only do they want to attract non-gamers (i.e. girls and old people) with simple games, friendly-looking controls and Brain Training, they, for some reason, want all the people who already like videogames to stay away. I guess they have to alienate all the sweaty manchildren before grandma will feel comfortable going into the 'Games' aisle at Wal-Mart.

The few positive responses to the name take the form "It's different from the way consoles usually get named, so it's good." My response: Ted Nugent's Butt Disease is different too, but that doesn't mean I'm going to use it for the name of my new consumer electronics device.

I'll still buy one when I can afford it, because I still love Nintendo's first party stuff (or, at least, the pre-Nintendogs first party stuff like Mario and Zelda, which I hope is here to stay). Also I really want to play with the new, uh, Wiimote, and I am totally looking forward to downloading as many old games as I can afford, especially since Nintendo announced that Genesis and TurboGrafx-16 games will be available for download. In fact, I heard from a Hudson rep via NeoGAF that Hudson is hoping to put the entire US library of TG16 games online, which makes all of the other features of the ~~Rev~~ Wii unimportant in terms of my decision to buy.

2006-04-09T14:08:00.000-07:00

Here's what I've been up to game-wise:

-Not enough. For some reason, even though I have more spare time, I've been wasting it on the computer when I could be playing games. Internet addiction for the lose.

-Not Nightmare of Druaga. I picked this up last week because a) based on the arcade roots of the Druaga series, I expected a slower-paced Gauntlet type of dungeon action-RPG, b) the boxart looks awesome, and c) it was $1.96. Then when I got home and started reading about the game, I discovered that it is a strategy-heavy turn-based "Roguelike" RPG that mimics old ASCII-based computer games. It may be fun, or it may be incredibly tedious. I haven't gotten up the courage to try it yet.

-Metal Gear Online briefly. Afraid of letting a team down by being a total n00b (or worse, not even knowing where to go in a sneaking/capture mission) I tried some deathmatch. Playing a deathmatch in Metal Gear is so weird because, since guys are running around shooting you in the face constantly, and since they have the same camera system you do, stealth is impossible. I'm going to keep playing to figure out the maps and such before I try a sneaking mission (one player as Snake vs. seven others).

2006-03-19T16:09:00.000-08:00

Okay, moral question:

Is it wrong to buy something off the shelf just to sell for a profit on eBay? I mean, I'm taking something that somebody could go buy for regular price and forcing them to pay more for it.

The item in question is the MGS3 Subsistence LE.

Penn & Teller's Smoke and Mirrors (part 1!)

2006-03-12T00:48:00.000-08:00

For the first installment of my Penn & Teller's Smoke and Mirror's Official Impressions, I played a minigame called "What's Your Sign?", which is a personality test intended to guess your astrological sign. How does it do this?

Mostly with a lot of "full-motion video". Yeah, when you start the game, you get a nice long video of Penn talking about the fictitious "Personometer" that will be employed to determine your personality. How it works is that you answer questions by moving the Personometer to a point on a graph that corresponds to your answer. For example, the first question was about finding someone famous's wallet. The x-axis on the graph represents how disappointed you'd be if there were no reward for returning the wallet, and the y-axis represents how eager you'd be to return it.

Oh, and it's worth mentioning that Penn fucks up and transposes the axes. Maybe that was just misdirection so Teller could climb out of the computer across 13 years or so and get a look at my driver's license.

After three questions or so, they hold up a card with their guess on it. During my playtest, they were wrong. Huh. I just played a game about charting my opinions on a graph and that was the payoff? I mean, I just took a fucking survey for entertainment. I would at least expect some humor, or some... I have no idea what I would expect. Of course there was FMV of Penn saying what my sign was and Teller gesturing in agreement. I can't imagine how I would feel if I had just purchased this game.

So far I'm underwhelmed. There are a lot more games to play (and, no doubt, a shitload of awful grainy video to watch on 1/4 of the screen), though, so maybe there is hilarity ahead! Or maybe, just maybe, there's early '90s shit CD-ROM game design ahead!
(screenshots coming!)

Penn & Teller's Smoke and Mirrors

2006-03-08T00:35:00.000-08:00

Even if you don't play the game (I haven't yet) read the description of Penn & Teller's formerly-lost Sega CD game here (at The Lost Levels, a really neat and unfortunately infrequently updated site about unreleased games) and look pensively at the torrent download link (and more neat text) here.

I plan to talk more about this, but I'm damn tired, and plus, I'd kind of like to play the game a little first (I won't, though, because it is probably illegal to download and play this sort-of copyrighted game, though I'm not sure because the game was never released by a company that doesn't exist anymore and my sentences are really long and I have to be up in like 4 hours and bluuuuugggghhh)

Proof that others should be running my blog

2006-02-18T22:25:00.000-08:00

Mere hours after the 'launch' of this blog, Jessica suggested an excellent link that I have failed to post until now because I'm kind of a dick. Anyway, here it is: the Gogo Yubari/Bride fight from Kill Bill dubbed with (not enough, if you ask me) Super Mario 1 and 2 sound effects. What I got from this that is amazingly clear now that I think about it is that as cool as Kill Bill was as a movie (or 2, or whatever), the best medium for this story is the Nintendo Entertainment System.

Up-to-the-two-months-ago tech news!!!!

2006-02-18T22:23:00.000-08:00

I sort of forgot to "report" on this when I got it, but this is still as good as it was when it was released. I'm just going to assume that you guys don't read the other game-news websites.

I have the best screensaver of all time, not counting future screensavers that read your mind and display your fondest memories presented as breakdancing performances. And you can get it here, for free.

A little background, to help answer questions you may have, such as "What is this?", "What are you talking about?" and "Why is my life so unsatisfying?"

These guys, who call themselves Buro Vormkrijgers (I'm quitting linguistics, so I don't have to pretend I can pronounce that anymore) built a clock that is basically a wall-mounted screen displaying a game of Pong. Every hour, the left player scores, and every minute, the right player scores, so that the score is the time. To me, this seems like an electronic version of how the continuous movement of a regular clock's gears also happens to cause a time display on the clock face; I can't explain it without a bunch of hand-waving and "I don't know"-ing. But I'll assume you get why it's so cool, unless you are a horrible person who is dead inside.

Oh, and you can play Pong against the clock. This is good for me because there are some rooms of my apartment that do not yet contain video game systems, causing me to go for painful amounts of time with only as many handheld systems as I can fit into my pockets to sustain me. It would really help if there were some sort of emergency game on a nearby wall.

The cost is only 199 Euro, which converts to no fucking way dollars.

If you clicked the first link, though, you already know the best part of this: they also released the Pong Clock as a free screensaver, ensuring that nobody will ever buy their ridiculously expensive clock. If you have a fancy LCD or something you don't need a screensaver for, I don't fucking want to hear about it.

2006-02-12T22:48:00.000-08:00

It's been about a year and a half since the DS's release. It's getting to be time for Nintendo's Buy the Same Hardware Againza!

Oh, look who has come along! It is just like a Nintendo DS only it looks like an Apple product! Small Apple devices sell a lot, right? This DS Lite should do well then! Actually, Nintendo fans are a lot like Apple fans, now that I think about it. They tend to buy every revision of the same item.

Not me, though! I only bought the original GBA, and the SP, and the DS! I'm a smart consumer!

No GB Micros for me! Until maybe Christmas, or if the price drops $20.

Oh, right, back to the exciting new DS Lite! It comes in colors! Oh no, is that a black one I see? That's exactly the design feature that I was holding out for. I mean, the whole "30% Smaller" thing is okay, and the adjustable screen brightness is I guess nice, but it's only the advanced "Being Black" capabilities that would cause me to uncontrollably throw my credit card at the screen before regaining my composure and buying one for every room of the house.

Oh, close call! Nintendo saves me from Ramen City with shitty colors.

By the way, did anyone notice how Nintendo made some fake GBA cartridges in coordinating colors so the bottom of the system wouldn't have an ugly grey rectangle in the marketing photos?

Oh... it's... a cover. I guess that's, uh, nice too. Honestly, I just keep a GBA game in my DS. I don't know why you wouldn't just do that with the...

Well, sorry I bothered you guys.

No! My Tetris DX score!

2006-02-09T21:58:00.000-08:00

My beautiful seven-year-old Game Boy Color Tetris DX Score, 1,074,317 points (it was either 1021 or 1029 lines) died today. Cause of death: a poster on the Gaming Age Forums named nildem, who produced photographic proof of both a 1,318,705-point game and a 1,297,194-point game.

My assumed Tetris DX high score will be missed.